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I have told myself a story I can live with and I'm not ready to change it, nor does it have to meet with your approval.
I am almost 75 years old and I've never married. I am currently taking twelve prescription pills a day for various conditions. Fifteen years ago i suffered a second stroke leaving me partially immobile. I sit on my front porch watching the Tenderoni's, the Eye Candy.....
I haven't turned around to look, but I know death is only a few steps behind me.....
It doesn't matter,
I've already dies from loneliness.
What was I thinking?
What was I feeling?
I don't know... does it matter?
I attempted to sort the applications based upon athleticism, to appear professional; however I secretly selected girls based upon my sexual preference. I felt as things were finally looking up for me, I had access to all these young pre-teens, "Tenderoni's" I called them. This time, unlike in high school, I was in control. The girls were predominantly from single parent homes, which left them yearning for the affection of a male, a father figure, to most of the girls, I was all they had, therefore winning their trust was relatively simple.
During my High School years, I did not participate in sports, but I loved watching Baseball. As i approached my late twenties, I decided to stop allowing the cloud of High School Heartbreak to circulate over my head. A neighborhood park needed a Baseball Coach for their upcoming little league girls softball team. This granted me the opportunity to put my passion to action. Almost one hundred little girls had signed up. There were piles of stacks and stacks of piles of applications.
I REMOVED AND REPLACED WORDS SUCH AS: Sympathy, Love and Caring.
That awful experience was the first, and last time I allowed my body to loose control of my heart and fall in love. I experienced heat-break and realized it was not just a course in a song....It was real!
I was never the same, I began to look at life through different glasses, and with tunnel vision.
I like my girls with curves and rhythm, a body with more muscle than fat. Growing up in my small town, there was not a large assortment of females to choose from. I remember, it was just a few months before my eighteenth birthday. I was in my final year of High School. "I get chills when I think about it.... almost like it just happened"
August story of the month
God does not always take us from A to B to C . Sometimes God will take us from A to B to M then back to C. Stop trying to figure out why something bad happened to you. That will just lead to frustration . There are some situations that we face that there's no logical explanation to. We have to be big enough to say I don't understand and I am OK with not understanding. I don't have to have all the answers.
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We all go through disappointments, setbacks and things that we don't understand. Maybe you prayed for a loved one, but they didn't get well; or maybe you worked hard for a promotion, but you didn't get it; you stood in faith for a relationship, but it didn't work out. One of the best things you could do is release it, let it go. If you go around dwelling on it, wondering why this didn't work out; why my loved one didn't get healed? Why didn't I get that promotion? All that's going to do is lead to bitterness, resentment, and self-pity.
Before Long you will be blaming others, blaming yourself, maybe even blaming God.
If we are going to trust God, we have to accept that fact that there are going to be unanswered questions. What you are going through is simply a chapter in your book.
Turn the page.
There is power in letting go. Don't let go of your dreams, don't let do of your promises; let go of the frustrations of having to have it your way.
So often we'll trust God, we'll stay in faith as long as God does it our way.
It was only a matter of time, before the selected ones advanced from allowing me to take them out for ice cream, and pizza to becoming a guest in my home, in the backseat of my car or anywhere I could explored the young curves i had always yearned for. As a result of my cravings, five of my Tenderoni's were impregnated with my seed.
November Story of the Month The power of letting go
We may not have understood it, it may not have been fair, but when we release it, it is an act of our faith. We are saying,
"God I trust you I know you are in control, and even though it didn't work out my way, you said all things are going to work together for my good, I believe you still have something good in my future."