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Together we had been to every party there was at his expense and although we arrived together we didn’t party together.
The plan was for the charade of He-and-Me to carry us through my entire senior year, but my patience began to diminish, he was different than my previous infatuation’s, he was really falling in Love with me he even talked of getting married and having babies, this was defiantly a dream for him and a nightmare for me since I had no intention of ever making my lie with him a reality. I would be heartless if I said I didn’t feel bad for him but why couldn’t he just be like the others? Why couldn’t he just accept that there would never be a “WE” and stick to his role? Why couldn’t he understand that he was not my actual “boyfriend” at times I detested him for being so naïve.
Why did everyone else know he was being played except him?
Finally the year was coming to an end, Prom was not to far away and Graduation shortly thereafter. I constantly remind myself this would all be over soon, not only would I be a High School Graduate but an eighteen year old woman with the right to choose and eliminate the need for my parents approval over my life and my choice in men. I couldn’t wait to serve this disposal his dismissal papers; it would be like taking a breath of fresh air.
I was stunned he would believe someone of my caliber would be interested in him; I was clearly out of his league.
I had flawless radiant almond skin, long black thick hair an hourglass shape and what men referred to as bedroom eyes; many times I had been compared to Marilyn Monroe and Sofia Loren.
I choose this particular infatuater because his flaws assured gullibility and guaranteed my necessary control. My parents loved him but I knew I never would, his sole purpose was to be my cover and transportation to wherever I wanted to go, when I wanted to go then give me money once I got there.
Who is crying now?
I knew my parents were watching proudly I could still hear the clicking sound and see the flashes from their camera so I had to refrain the urges of snatching my hand away from his and pushing that second hand tuxedo with him in it into the dirt. I also knew upon arrival to the Prom I would ditch this looser.
I could only imagine how upset, and heartbroken he would be but this was the Prom, surely he didn’t actually expect me to spend it with him. He’d get over it, he always did
Once in the car I pulled out my mirror to confirm perfection. This is the night my friends and I had waited all year for, I would be crowned Prom Queen and the Football Quarterback who was also the most handsome guy in school would be King. We would be like Romeo and Juliet.
Except I never arrived at the Prom, he drove just far enough away so no one would hear me scream RAPE. I obviously underestimated him.
Who’s crying now? He asked me.
The Prom was finally here, after what felt to be the longest year of my life. I had attended other proms during my sophomore and junior year but this one was different, this was my Senior Prom and I had it all planned out from beginning to end starting with silently agreeing to be seen in a public place wearing the A-shaped pastel ballroom dress and the tan two inch patent leather pumps my mother and I picked out at the department store to the four inch satin stilettos and fitted red sequence dress I had purchased downtown and would be taking with me hidden under the knitted Shaw I agreed to carry.
It was 7:00 pm my Escort arrived in his reliable Blue and White Buick on time as I knew he would, he greeted my mother with a hug as he always did and my dad with a firm hand shake which always made him smile, he and my parents engaged in a few moments of conversation as he turned to pin the carnation he had brought with him on my dress, spending more time than necessary around my breast, close to my lips and breathing my air. My mother sensed my eagerness to leave and quickly picked up her camera off the living room table, he immediately stood behind me clutching my waist with his rugged brushed farm hands pressing my body firmly against his as we smiled for the camera and as I was doing everything within my power not to throw up and maintain a smile he grabbed my hand inner locking his fingers within mine leading me out the door and down the sidewalk. I was amazed that he had the gall to act as though this was real.
I had done my research before I decided upon this particular infatuater he was 5’10 brown complexion with gray eyes, nice, respected and most importantly employed everything my parents would approved of, but to me he was just an insignificant looser hardly worthy of my presence.
If he had ever taken time to look at his self in a mirror he’d see what everyone else saw, how his clothes were always wrinkled, like they were at the bottom of the box at someone’s garage sale, his long curly hair lacked direction and the use of a comb, the untreated skin irritations and acme left him with large craters all over his face and I’m almost positive the shoes he wore belonged to several other people first.
I was 17 years old, it was the spring of my last year of high school, and I was having the time of my life. This was the year I decided to do myself a favor and provide my top infatuater the pleasure of carrying the title of my boyfriend. I learned over the last two years that the Pretty Ricky’s I use to date were just that, pretty.They never had much money because they lived life on their looks just as I did.
THE GOD THAT CLOSES DOORS
We all know that God opens doors, but the same God that opens doors will close doors. You prayed but didn’t get the promotion, the loan didn’t go through, and the relationship didn’t work out. So often we get discouraged, we feel like God has let us down. On the surface it looks perfect, you can’t see any reason why it shouldn’t work out, but God can see many things we can’t. Only God can see the big picture for your life, he knows where every road is leading, the dead ends and he can see around the corner; to us it looks great, but what we can’t see is that there’s danger, there’s heartache or trouble up ahead. God knows the roads that are a big circle, we go for years and end up right back where we started, never making any progress.
The big part of faith is trusting God when you don’t understand it. Remember you are not really trusting if you are only going to be happy if it happens your way. If you have the prospective to not only thank God for your open doors, but thank him just as much for your closed doors. YOU WILL PAST THE TEST. You will see the exceedingly, abundantly, above and beyond future God has in store.
God may close the door because we believe to small, if he opened it that opening would limit what he wants to do in your life. The door may close because it’s not the right time, there are other people involved and they aren’t ready yet therefore if God opened it now it wouldn’t work out. Bottom line is that God has your best interest at heart.
When a door closes, you don’t know what God is saving
you from, If your prayers don’t get answered
the way you want, instead of being discouraged feeling
like God let you down; why don’t you have a bigger
prospective? If God wanted you to have that promotion,
you would have gotten it. Shake it off; move forward
it’s something better coming. The close doors are not
an accident; you may not understand it now, to you it looks
like an opportunity of lifetime just passed you by; but one day
you will look back and thank God for the closed doors.
You will realize that God is not hindering you, he is helping you.
Thank God for your closed doors just as much as you would
for your open doors for God has the final say and his desires for
your life are so much bigger than your own.